Well I’m back in the saddle again or something along those lines. Since it’s been so long since I’ve written here, or written ANY proper blog article for that matter, it will certainly take a little bit of time to get the old wheels turning again. Trust me when I say that they are considerably rusted.

Now, I thought long and hard about how to approach the article denoting my return. What should it be about? Surely it should not some treatise on film theory. Such a long-winded, mostly uninteresting piece would further suffer from the inevitable chunkiness of my return to prose. How about a review of, say,  Inception? No, no, no, there is already too much information flooding the internet in the form of reviews and discussions. Maybe a list would do. Yes. That’s it. A list! It’s the cheap and easy way to fulfill a post quota. Besides, everyone loves lists – especially when you don’t put something on it that the reader thinks should be there!

But what should the list be about?

“Well, given that Inception fever is going around right now, how ’bout a list of the top ten sci-fi films” you say?

Oh, ye of little vision. That’s too obvious. And if it’s obvious that you want, then shoot over to Rotten Tomatoes and check out their list of the best sci-fi noirs.

But I do like the idea of an Inception inspired article. You see, Inception is one of those films that reminds me of why I go through all the pain and suffering of making movies. And since I’m a screenwriter with renewed energy after seeing Christopher Nolan’s latest effort, I thought that I’d make a list of the Ten Foods for a Full Writing Day. That’s right, the ten foods (and drinks) that get you through those long and ungodly hours sitting in your chair, hunched over a keyboard.

Now, I must divulge my logic in picking these so I don’t get any angry mail. I chose foods that could be labeled  “finger foods” in its broadest sense. Since you are theoretically writing nonstop, you don’t have time to pick up your plate, knife and fork, and shovel steak into your mouth. Also, since you are typing on a keyboard, foods that make the least possible mess to your hands are a must (that means you’re out, KFC). In addition, I believe that your sustenance should basically be coming from a package/box that has the potential to last (so no bagels or sandwiches). Lastly, this list is of food that keeps you going; that means I’m not counting the booze, coke, amphetamines, or whatever else you nuts need to be hopped up on to make your pages for the day – geeze, get some help.

Breakfast

Well, we all eventually get up. The exact time of this event is a bit up in the air for the crazy artist, but let’s say morning-ish. And as your mother always told you, you can’t start the day without a good breakfast, or in our case the following:

1. Coffee/Tea

It was a long night, and you need to get the juices flowing. That’s where this wonderful black nectar comes in. The drink that you will likely consume in the measure of gallons over the course of the day, the first cup of joe is the most important part of your writing day.

2. Doughnuts or appropriate non-messy pastry

Ah, the doughnut. The man who invented this wonderful, portable breakfast should have gotten a medal. You’ll need the carbs in this little fried dough inner-tube to keep going after the initial burst of writing is induced by the ultra-strong coffee. Besides, you need something in your stomach, and one or six of these will do the trick.

Mid-Morning

Not only is your pastry heavy breakfast finished, but your first pot of coffee is also gone. As you contemplate making a second pot, and shutter from your sugar high, you realize that your pallet is asking for something salty.

3. Crackers

Be it Wheat Thins, Triscuits, Ritz, or those little vegetable crackers, you’ll need this salty little snack to counteract the effects of breakfast. This snack will also keep the keyboard going as you build on your written accomplishments from earlier. Besides, with your cleansed pallet, you’re ready for another pot of coffee.

The Late-Morning Doldrums

Now you’re hitting that point of the day where all that coffee you’ve been drinking is staring to have an ill effect on you. You just feel sort of crappy, and you’ve rolled up the bag of crackers in disgust. You want to keep on writing, but you feel that you need… something.

4. Oral Fixation Food

Sunflower seeds, nuts, gum, hard candy, trail mix. These are the kind of snack foods that don’t really have any impact on your stomach, but do serve the purpose of satisfying that stubborn oral fixation that you have acquired at some point in your writing career. Of course you’ll be filling the voids between proper junk food fixes with these oral fixation foods throughout the entire day.

Lunch

You made it past the morning doldrums sure enough, but you’re beginning to feel a little weak. You cringe at the idea of drinking anymore coffee, and consider giving it up completely. You then look at the clock and realize that it’s lunchtime!

5. Beef Jerky

No time for a sandwich, so you reach for the bag of beef jerky. You bite into the meaty goodness and almost instantly feel better. This was exactly what you needed – a good shot of protein after all the carbs you’ve been consuming throughout the morning.

6. Soda/Energy Drink

You certainly need to wash down that strong cured taste of the jerky. So you grab your favorite soda or energy drink. It’s the perfect compliment to your beef jerky lunch, and has the added benefit of boosting your sagging caffeine levels. You now feel like you can bust out thirty pages, easy.

Mid-Afternoon

So lunch has seemed to sort of normalize your system, and you’re now feeling pretty good. In fact, you’re feeling so good that you’re thinking of a little reward for all the hard work you’ve put in so far. Sounds like the perfect opportunity to indulge in some comfort food.

7. Cookies

You break out the cookies, which will compliment your afternoon coffee quite well. You are now settling into a nice even pace of writing (as opposed to your morning bursts and stutters). Yeah, this was a good idea.

The Late-Afternoon Doldrums

That was a terrible idea! What were you thinking?! The combination of those cookies and that coffee is wrecking havoc on you right now. You feel absolutely horrible. In fact, you feel about ten times worse than you did during those mid-morning doldrums. But wait a minute, you were able to snap out of that with some salty food. But crackers need coffee, and you can’t drink that shit anymore; in fact you’re considering giving it up completely, again.

8. Pretzels/Chips

The fact of the matter is that you just need something salty to munch on. Anything in the pretzel/chip family will do the trick nicely (but not Doritos – that will stain everything, thus violating condition 2 of what makes a “writing food”). You’re feeling a bit better, and open up a can of soda to wash it down. Yep, this is what you needed to continue.

Dinner

You’ve successfully made it over that nasty afternoon hump. You begin to feel like you’re getting a second wind, but something is wrong. You feel hungry. But it’s a kind of hunger that won’t be satisfied by junk food. Actually, thinking of junk food right now is kind of making you sick. What can it mean? Dinnertime!

9. Pizza

Like the seasoned professional you are, you speed-dial the local pizza delivery service and put in your order. You take a small little break as you wait for your pepperoni pizza (which you shrewdly realize satisfies the four major food groups) to arrive.

Eventually, your feast arrives. You scarf down the first two slices at the door, before returning to your writing room where you will continue to finish the pie over the next couple of hours as you pump out your best pages since early this morning.

Night

Night has fallen, and you begin to slow down a bit. You’ve had a good day of writing, and a great dinner. Of course, this means dessert.

1o. “Fun-sized” Candy

If you don’t give it out for Halloween, then you shouldn’t be eating it. You know, the miniature Snickers, Kit Kats, M&Ms, Sour Patch Kids, etc. – that kind of candy. So, you begin shoveling handfuls of M&Ms in your mouth as you read over the days work and do some minor editing. Yes it has been a great day. Congratulations.

Late-Night and Overnight

Now, depending on how things went during the day, you might have, late at night, gotten a second or third wind. This prompts you to write into the late night hours. Or maybe you have a deadline to meet and you must write overnight. This, of course, means you need a food choice for the wee hours.

1. – 10. Everything

That’s right, EVERYTHING. The late/early hours are a writer’s free-for-all when food is concerned. You must have all the above items in haphazard order and all at once within a few short hours. You’ll feel like shit come morning, but it’ll be worth it (until you read what you wrote).